It’s late and there is a dim light from an overhead lamp. Boxes of books and photographs in boxes labeled “photographs” are stacked neatly, against a wall. A passport, driving licence and birth certificate sit comfortably in a safe which sits comfortably behind a picture of KARL MARX which sits comfortably behind a THE AMERICAN FLAG?!?!?! Obama tells me this is his bedroom in which he has all of his AFFAIRS. He reminisces the time Oprah kissed him on the lips. He microwaves some popcorn and we sit on the bed as the chief in command tells me all about his crush on Mitt Romney and how he secretly plans to not vote for himself in the next election but vote for the Mitt Man instead! We chat about The View as we have both been on the infamous couch and just laugh and laugh at how dumb sum girlz can be. I go to grab my coat but my date offers me to take his instead, which has it’s pockets stuffed full with $20 bills and copies of the US Constitution and so I decline (graciously.) He seems to be upset that we are not parting with a gift but his eyes glisten and he tells me how he’s going to set me up with a great trade agreement with China so I get all my designer handbags and shoes FOR FREE. I hug him and scream thank you into his ears before running away before he can change his mind.
Signing off – – – Lindsay Lohan – – – 4/20/2012